Those who scrolled through Salon.com’s home page today were “treated” to a ridiculous headline: “When the ‘gayby boom’ came for me.”

If you’re like me, the last time you frequented Salon.com was probably in the late ’90s – early ’00s. Now I realize why I haven’t visited the site in so long: seeing a term was like this in a headline made me equal parts disgusted and sad–and I’m not even a child of a gay couple. If I were, I’d be offended as hell.

As if a parent’s sexual orientation has anything to do with the child? Why would that extend to the kid? You really want to make the kid the butt of a joke like that? ‘Gayby’ sounds like a slur that would be used on the playground to make fun of the child, and not a term a lesbian writer would casually use when discussing whether or not she’s going to have a family.

Perhaps this is a simple case of the editor-gone-wild: the writer submits a story and the editor wants to make it “sizzle” a bit more by creating a pun-y headline? I hope that was the case. But if it was a straight editor, wouldn’t make the term even more offensive?

What’s next? Flippantly re-naming gay marriage “Holy Matri-homo-ny”?

Would love to hear from any same-sex parents: do you find the ‘Gayby’ term offensive? Or is it amusing?

Whoever said living in central Florida was boring? Well, it has proven so boring that people are going to jail for posing their babies doing the darnedest things: like smoking from a bong. According to the AP on rawstory.com:

Nineteen-year-old Rachel Stieringer was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia. A Texas resident called Florida’s abuse hot line after seeing the picture online of the baby posing with his face in the bong.

Sure, we’ve all posed our babies doing funny things. But we don’t usually share it on the internet. And if only Rachel had said the bong-device was for “tobacco use only,” maybe she wouldn’t have had to post $502 in bail (love those extra $2).

The saddest part of all of this was that the authorities actually tested the baby for drugs. That’s gotta make the parents feel swell.

You might be an over-reactive parent if you’ve not only heard of Park Slope, Brooklyn, but you live there. (Before you object too strenuously object to this statement, not every parent who lives there has gone baby bonkers.)

To those who live elsewhere in this great country, Park Slope is not just the polestar of all things baby in the greater New York City area. It’s arguably the drunk-on-babies epicenter of the world. Sure, there are similar neighborhoods in cities across the globe, but they can’t possibly reach the same hysterical heights when it comes to the shorties.

Because out of Park Slope come controversies so blistering that they threaten to engulf the city, nay the country, in flames.

Take for example the story that broke awhile ago on CNN.com “Dad Brings Baby to Bar”—it featured one of the editors of Dadwagon.com who had the gall to take his kid into a bar while he quaffed a much-deserved beer. Imagine the uproar from the annoyed minority of hipsters who deem bars baby-free zones not just after 7pm (which makes sense) but all day long!

Not to be outdone, the NY Post broke a story a month or so ago that really got the parental nuts jumping: Baby Slings Smother! And this just after the sling became the preferred method of kid conveyance in Park Slope since Maclaren strollers started cutting fingers off left and right.

One can just hear the keyboards clacking now on the Park Slope Parents blog in response to the latest hulabaloo: a “ghost stroller” chained to a parking meter. [photo: Michelle V. Agins/The New York Times] You probably know of “ghost bikes” that are painted white and chained near accident sites where a biker lost their life. According to the NYTimes, local residents don’t know know why the albino buggy is there. Certainly people on the block would have heard of a baby being killed in a stroller/car collision. So it’s pretty obvious this is the work of a hipster artist commenting on how there are too many overly-sensitive parents in the area. He wants to get a reaction. And guess who’s giving it to them?

What’s the kid krazy part of your town? Do you live in it? Do you secretly (or openly) despise those who do?

I’m assuming it has to happen. You get an uneasy–albeit momentary–feeling that you don’t like being a father. It’s a shameful thing to feel and you don’t talk about it. But the thought has to occasionally occur. The thought that, hey, maybe today I don’t want the responsibility that comes with being a father. It just seems improbable that we’d always feel glad to be a dad.

I ask this because I’m reading John Updike’s “Rabbit” series–the tale of man maturing in America. It started with “Rabbit, Run” in 1960, then “Rabbit Redux” in ‘71. Now I’m onto “Rabbit is Rich” (’81). It’s really an amazingly realistic chronicle of a man going through different parts of his life. And you have to admire the author for a) being so talented, and b) having the foresight to create a series of books over such a long span of time (over 30 years as the series ends with “Rabbit at Rest” in 1990).

In the books, Rabbit (Harry Angstrom) has a rather troubled relationship with his son Nelson. Here’s the passage that inspired this post:

…he began to feel crowded, living with the kid. As long as Nelson was socked into baseball statistics or that guitar or even the rock records that threaded their sound through all the fibers of the house, his occupation of the room down the hall was no more uncomrfortable than the persistence of Rabbit’s own childhood in an annex of his brain; but when the stuff with hormones and girls and cars and beers began, Harry wanted out of fatherhood.

I’d imagine during the early childhood years, the newness and glow of fatherhood keeps any thoughts like these at bay. But when you get into those “troubled teen” years, the title of “father” could potentially start to weigh you down.

This blog is meant to be about celebrating the highs and lows of fatherhood, so I’d like to hear about some of the lows. Dads, chime in.

Should we add Band of Fathers to the list of sites that are actually retracting a story? I’m not so sure if “responsible journalism” has a place online (hell, it doesn’t seem to in the mainstream media anymore).

Gizmodo led the charge with their long, drawn-out apology regarding the original story about the Lady Pushing Stroller On Her Segway and how she dared be so lazy/irresponsible.

Why are they apologizing? The gal in question is a cancer survivor with limited walking ability..that’s why she uses the Segway to get around. Don’t we all feel bad now?

I don’t know, I still think it’s crazy to push a stroller when you’re astride another moving object. About as smart as the game of Polo.

Our original post:

“Prepare to Die!” It sounds like dialogue straight from the movies. But this has nothing to do with a James Bond film, and everything to do with Life Insurance. I capitalized that because it seems like such an important thing—especially for dudes with a family. The well-organized among us probably signed up for a policy right after they got married. I let things slip a bit, but made sure to have it in effect just after our first child arrived on the scene.

Not to sound like a Liberty Mutual ad (complete with geriatrics sitting around a dining room table), but having the peace of mind that my family can go on without my income is gratifying. And anyone who’s been unemployed in the last couple of years (yours truly included) knows how difficult it is to live without an income. But this is different. Because the policy can pay for big, important things like my kid’s college if I’m not here to do it.

Sure, it’s a bit morbid, but the alternative is worse still.

The only advice I can offer is buy it earlier than later. Your monthly premium goes up significantly for every year you age. For example, you could get a 30 year term-life policy ($750K for example) when you’re 36 for $56/mo, or get it when you’re 38 for $68/mo. Over that 30 years, you’re paying roughly $4,500 more for the same coverage. Something to consider.

I’ve told my wife that there is one stipulation if she is to be named the sole beneficiary of my life insurance policy: she has to host a kick-ass funeral-party in my honor—preferably on an island—where she serves nothing but the finest malt-liquor beverages (such as Zima), and White Castle hamburgers.

Dads, when did you get life insurance…or are you putting it off because the process seems so foreboding?

As the editor of this fine band of fathers, I’m happy to officially become one of them.

I’m proud as hell to announce the birth of my son, Soren Charles Beeby. Born on Father’s Day.

So, did you earn your “World’s Greatest Dad” mug this Father’s Day? Or will your kids begrudgingly celebrate this holiday out of obligation?

I asked a broad sampling of dads (for whom I have email addresses) to tell me what they thought of Father’s Day. Do they have fond memories of it? How do they want to celebrate it? Or don’t they care?

Here’s what I got in response:

• “My dad died 3 days after fathers day, so it’s always been sad. But this year, I’m a Dad of a newborn, so it’s going to be awesome!” —Joe B.
• “I hope my sons like golf, because I love to watch the U.S. Open on Father’s Day Sunday. I would also be nice to play a match with them when they get older. If they don’t, they better like diners.  Breakfast at home is nice, but going out to a diner for some pancakes and bottomless cup of coffee would be a nice Father’s Day for me.” —Bill K.
• “Father’s Day tends to be less a celebration of fatherhood than a triumph of commercialism. The National Retail Federation projects that Americans will spend $9.8 billion on Father’s Day this year. To put that in perspective, that’s more than enough to assure a primary education for every child on the planet who is not getting one right now.” —Nicholas D. Kristof (I don’t have his email address, it’s from his op-ed in the NYTimes)
• “Father’s Day (like every other Hallmark Holiday) deserves as much scorn as we can heap on it! I’d much rather celebrate “Random Tuesday: 7:30 a.m.” when mom, dad, and baby cuddle up on the bed in the morning sunlight. Down with Father’s Day! Give me back my regular-old-Sunday!” — Dan B.
• “Father’s Day is that one time of year where I can sit on the couch, watch sports and tell one of the kids to get me something (beer). When they resist, I can pull out the “but it’s Father’s Day” card, to get them to do it. I know I shouldn’t, but there are lots of things I shouldn’t do.” —Joe M.
• “We’re decidedly agnostic about holidays contrived by greeting card companies. That said, this year Dad’s Day coincides with my wife’s birthday, so we’ll probably all spend a family day hiking up a mountain, followed by ice cream cones. (FYI: I require all gifts and/or cards to be handmade by the giver. I don’t like being another excuse in the consumer obligation -> “thank you!” -> landfill cycle.)” —Matt W.

What do you think about Father’s Day? Comment and we’ll add it into the post.

Turns out he looks exactly like you’d think.

And no, he doesn’t fetishize clean/new diapers. But dirty/full ones. So be on the lookout for this dude pawing through your garbage in search of your diaper genie bags.

6 feet 1 inch of crazy was caught “brown handed” in Wisconsin the other day. But how did the authorities know he was a diaper fetishist? Maybe because of the six soiled diapers in his pockets.

He was caught breaking into someone’s home because there weren’t any diapers to be found in the trash. So take those diapers out often.

Via Gawker.

I’m always interested to learn about potential parental rip-offs, especially as money’ll be tighter when the wee one comes. So I was glad to read this from Maureen Ferrell at Yahoo! Finance:

The Rip-Off: Is it that hard to mix powder with water to feed your child? Take Enfamil’s Premium Lipil, a popular formula brand. A 32-ounce can that you can crack open and serve might last a day or two. On Diapers.com a 6-pack of 32-ounce cans (192 fluid ounces of formula) costs $45, while a container of Enfamil’s water-mix powder that makes 168 ounces goes for $25. That’s 23.4 cents an ounce for liquid vs. 14.9 cents an ounce for powdered–a 57% markup.

How to Avoid It: Buy a $30 Brita pitcher (to purify the water), add powder, shake.

I’ve heard alot of new parents talk about the cost of a baby, and formula is right up there with the complaints. But this “pre-watered” version is typical of manufacturers—they know customers will pay a premium for any perceived time savings or ease-of-use. But isn’t it more difficult to carry the heavy, canned variety? Doesn’t it create more waste and thus more energy to take out to the recycling bin? Maybe it’s part of some parent’s workout regime. But I hope that more parents wise up to this, because as a society, we seem to be demanding more and more “efficient” products (e.g., concentrated fabric softeners as opposed to the massive jugs that contain so much more water).

Am I full of it? Is pre-watered formula the way to go, or does the powder work just as well?

What other baby rip-offs should dads be aware of?